From the Notes of Danny Williams
(A.K.A. Where I’m Writing Down All The Shit That Happens To Me Courtesy of Super-SEAL and My Ohana of Loons BEFORE I Edit It Out For Official Consumption)
…I mean seriously, exactly what is it with Super-SEALs and ex-SAS guys and all the Other Special Forces Crazy People that make them think they’re Superman? Huh? It’s like they go through Basic Training, Get More Specialized Training and then BAM!
Instant Captain America. Saving the World Beyond Bedtime. Yo, JOE!
So pretty much shit hit the fan today.
It started with us meeting Mr. Famous Consulting Detective Sherlock Holmes and his partner/husband (not fiance, after all) Dr. John Watson. Apparently, the “fiance” thing is just to keep Missus Holmes or LADY Holmes, to be precise, happy and apparently nobody in their right mind wants to make her UNHAPPY. I believe it.
Anyway, Sherlock tells us that we ought to check with Honolulu PD for reports of more Missing Alien Critters. Lilo Pelekai’s Stitch has “cousins” and a lot of them are all over Hawaii keeping company with a chosen “human” as a best friend and partner. And most of the time, these partnerships work out. All of the Weird Alien Critters have some sort of special ability or the other but they’re generally harmless and more often useful.
And he’s right, there ARE more missing Alien Critter reports and SOMEBODY was deliberately keeping them from us. We’d thought that Stitch was an isolated case. Turns out, some fool in HPD was in shit deep with a lot of debts (this is going in my Official Report as Lt. Dean Hawkins instead of Lt. YOU ASSHOLE) and sat on the reports. Current protocol dictates that Missing Weird Alien Critter Reports go to us at Five-0 so we can find ‘em and haul in S.H.I.E.L.D if we need to.
Sherlock figured out, from Lt. Asshole’s watch, if you please, that he was the mole and that Yakuza had paid him off to shut up about the missing Alien Critters.
Obvious conclusion is obvious, right? Somebody wanted to use the Alien Critters to somehow get at the King of Erebor.
And it turns out His Majesty Thorin II Oakenshield Durin is like a Trouble Magnet of the First Caliber, much like Certain Super SEAL’s I know. Also like Certain Super SEALs of my acquaintance, he and his Consort have a soft spot for kids. Apparently he and Prince Bilbo met little Lilo Pelekai on the beach and they decided to help her find her little alien buddy.
Her little Alien Buddy, who’s apparently under some sort of mind-controlling collar. My official report will show that this thing seems to be of the same origin as those aliens that attacked New York with that Loki guy last year. Fuck. Steve tells me that we’ll call on Morrie if we have to and given what I know of Morrie, then Loki ought to be very nervous about setting foot on the islands.
Stitch really loves that little girl and he apparently fought the collar’s control long enough for King Thorin to get close and get it off him. But Stitch is plenty strong and those claws of his aren’t for show and Thorin got hurt but good.
Bilbo escaped unscathed except for a few bruises and cuts, protecting Lilo. Tough little son of a gun managed to hold off a snatch attempt by the terrorist Azog and his goons, holding on just long enough for us to get to him.
Memo to self: don’t get between Bilbo, his knives (where the HELL did they come from? Hobbitspace?) and anybody he’s trying to protect.
Second Memo to Self: John Watson is a scary son of a bitch with a gun. Good thing Steve deputized him. I can tapdance around the paperwork and won’t mind it a bit - Watson saved my ass today.
Third Memo to Self: Sherlock Holmes is also a SCARY son of a bitch when he’s not doing his crazy-ass powers of deduction. We get along though - I can see where he’s getting his shit from. The fact that we do, claims Watson, is nothing short of a fucking miracle apparently. I don’t get it - if you just observe, you’ll know where Sherlock’s pulling his info from.
We’ve taken His Majesty to the hospital where he is currently under 24-7 security. Sherlock insists that they’ll try for him again and that it’s not ransom they’re after. He and Max are checking out blood samples from the King. Something tells me the Bad Guys think that King Thorin has some sort of genetic quirk in him that they want to exploit.
Steve’s currently in contact with S.H.I.E.L.D. about this but currently, the Avengers are running all over the world on the heels of Loki and Doctor Doom, apparently. Which means, it’s up to us to hold the Fort here at Hawaii. Naturally. What is my life, I ask you.
I’m currently on babysitting duty here at the hospital with Bilbo. Bilbo’s pretty much going on coffee and malasadas, as am I. Lilo’s with us. She’s napping on the couch next to Bilbo. Royalty has its perks - we got this nice suite with extra bedding next to where Thorin is recovering.
The argument has been made that if Weird Alien Critters are being targeted all over Hawaii, Lilo is actually safer around us right now. Her sister Nani is NOT happy to hear this. Between me and Bilbo, we’ve pretty much temporarily adopted her, so that Nani doesn’t go nuts with worry. If it were my Gracie, I’d be crazy too.
Lilo really should be home with her sister but the little kid’s insisting on hanging around with her alien buddy, Stitch, who’s feeling pretty low about what he did to the King, no matter that it wasn’t actually his fault. Little blue fuzzy guy’s reading my report over my shoulder as I type this into my laptop.
Like I’m telling you, Stitch. It will be fine. King Thorin knows you didn’t mean to hurt him and he knows how much you love Lilo. Okay?