Nonsensical Whatnotterist

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Beeblock - MH & GL

MH

Although he, of course, could recall the conversation with Gregory word for word if necessary, Mycroft hadn’t accorded it his full and focused attention; busy, as he was, with anticipating a multitude of variables as well as juggling his personal and dual work schedules for the following week to see that nothing important was left unaddressed.  Consequently, the question about whether he’d eaten dinner had passed as a curiosity of casual conversation until Gregory was standing before him at the door with an immediately recognisable takeaway bag in one hand and dressed more like the sort who’d be delivering said takeaway than a member of New Scotland Yard’s key personnel.  Mycroft led him upstairs in a distracted sort of fugue, belatedly deducing the significance of the dinner question, as well as his previous knowledge that Gregory owned a motorcycle; certainly Mycroft had seen surveillance images of the man driving it, but some portion of his brain—distracted as it was—seemed to have tagged this information with new significance.  Irritating, Mycroft labelled it for the time being, since delving into it further just now wasn’t feasible.

Reaching the study, Mycroft held the door for Gregory and closed it firmly after he’d entered, giving himself the internal equivalent of a light cuff ‘round the ear as a number of lesser details added up belatedly.  He made a soft ‘tsk’ sound at himself before saying briskly, “How rude of me.  Let me take your coat, Gregory.”

GL

He even idly bent and unbent the sock-covered toes of his uppermost foot as he chewed, suddenly reminding Greg of Sherlock and that habit of his, wriggling his toes against the arm of his sofa like two half-formed anemones.  The motion of Mycroft’s foot was more like the curling and uncurling of a cat’s tail.

“Now I’m almost afraid to think what you would consider too problematic,” muttered Greg, distractedly wondering if Mycroft’s toes were long and spidery like his brother’s.

“No need to bother with that just now,” Mycroft assured him easily.  “Best eat your food before it’s gone too cold to enjoy.”  As if to provide a proper example, Mycroft finished his dumpling.

“Easy for you to say,” grumbled Greg, though he sat up a bit and reclaimed his bowl. 

~~~

Sherlock Holmes (Ritchie Films) - JW/MM & SH

Within a matter of weeks, Holmes was out most evenings, occasionally not returning till the wee hours or even dawn.  Not much later, he was gone for three days, his only explanation when Watson asked was that he was working on the final part of the endeavour which had moved him to let everyone think him dead for all this time.

Soon Holmes was gone more often than he was present in the Watson home, and the guest room began to take on the faint scent of cigarette smoke with an undercurrent of a sweeter kind of smoke, one Watson couldn’t place at first, but then recalled quite vividly upon seeing a round rough-silk cap with a braided queue affixed to the back.  Holmes was making use of his Chinese immigrant disguise, which usually meant he was seeking out London’s opium dens for information.

Watson had never fully believed those disguised visits to be strictly about information, but he had no proof to the contrary, other than that Holmes would often find them necessary to some case or other around the same time he had spent some time in agitation over some trouble or problem; he might never have confided the sources to Watson, but he clearly underestimated how well Watson had come to know him.  Watson did not observe in the manner Holmes’ brilliance led him to do; no, Watson’s observations were those of a friend, and a doctor.  

~~~

Cabin Pressure/Harry Potter - Martin Crieff, Ron Weasley, & Characters Yet To Be Named By The Muse

“So, you’ll be at loose ends for a while, then?” Ron asked, sounding half-distracted due to his dedicated attentions to his triple-scoop of ice cream.  

Martin shrugged, feeling glum, despite the pleasure of a visit from one of his ‘distant cousins’ as his mum liked to say.  Who could predict G-ERTI’s losing a second engine to a bird-strike after the unexpectedly convoluted hijinx that had gone into replacing the first one, which had lost the fight with a goose just above St. Petersburg? 

“Dad said you were making extra money with a removals business?”  Ron had his head tilted at a painful-looking angle, but Martin caught his cousin’s gaze on him.  Everyone always underestimated Ron as an adult, since he’d been such a pillock throughout much of his teen years, but Martin knew better.

“What’s this really about, Ron?” Martin finally asked without disguising his suspicion.


cabin pressure & yellow

I can’t read the second from the bottom - can someone tell me what it says?
Thankee!

cabin pressure & yellow

I can’t read the second from the bottom - can someone tell me what it says?

Thankee!

HI! I just wanted to tell you I think you're brilliant, but not just regular brilliant, like everyone is, but a special kind of sparkly brilliant. The one from the films where the person looks at the other person and the sun shines shinier and the happy music plays, you know? When I see you that happens, I get that warm feeling in my chest like I've swallowed a balloon, and Douglas says that means my heart is picking you and I should tell you, so. My heart picks you! Isn't it great? -Arthur
Anonymous

Arthur!

Your letter made me smile so big, I mean huge big, like when you’re trying to fit a whole double cheeseburger in your mouth to take a bite (because you have to have a bite with all the parts in, right? bun and meat and cheese and all the veg and sauces, right?) and you have to, like, push your lower lip open further with your thumb to make it fit?  That big.  Bigger maybe. 

And what you said?  Arthur, it’s brilliant!  More brilliant than chocolate.  No, more brilliant than polar bears!  No, wait, chocolate polar bears!  No, no, CHOCOLATE POLAR BEARS FILLED WITH TOBLERONE! 

Just so you know, I have the shiny, sparkly chest balloons when I’m around you, too.  I think the balloons have butterflies in them, or something, because it’s swelly and fluttery in there when I look at you, especially when you smile.  I think maybe that means my heart is picking you, too.

I’m so excited!  

<3

I've been meaning to do this for a bit now but the timing never seemed right. I was wondering if you'd like to spend the evening back at my flat. Nothing serious. I was hoping we could cook together, perhaps you'd like to hear a little Chopin and to round things out, some good ol'fashioned snogging on the couch. What does my lady say? - Douglas Richardson
Anonymous

The lady says: I’ll bring the wine and make sure my lips are moisturized for optimum snoggability.  Anticipating a lovely evening with my favorite sky god,

Yours for the evening,

Random 

levynite replied to your post “Tygermama’s Tentacley Cabin Pressure Ask-Box Fic”

Hot damn

IKR?  *gleeful wriggles* 

Tygermama’s Tentacley Cabin Pressure Ask-Box Fic

It all started with a delightful surprise in my ask-box, This Post.
(I’ve added links to the posts to get to all the rest, if you want to read them there.)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First Set:


Arthur sighed around the tentacle in his mouth as one of the other tentacles stroked along his perineum. There were tentacles everywhere, his arms, his legs, they held him up off the bed effortlessly. Arthur revelled in the sensation. It was like… It felt like… It was brilliant! He didn’t understand why Douglas had looked so haunted this morning when he left this room. Arthur had switched rooms with a stranger because of his curiosity. But this was better than the time with Fliss and Pobs!


~the next morning~ “Hallo, Arthur. How did you sleep?” “Oh, just brilliant, Skip! I had the most brilliant sex with a tentacle monster that was in my room, you know the room Douglas had the night before? Any way, it was all slippy and slide-y and I must have worn the poor thing out because it made a wheezing noise and went away around 3 in the morning. How’d you sleep?” “Um, wha-” “Skip? You okay? You’ve gone a funny colour? I know! Want to sleep in my room tonight? Monster sex is very relaxing!


~that evening~ Martin sat at the hotel bar, contemplating the bottom of his glass and wondering when it was exactly that he had completely lost his mind. Because he had spent most of the day seriously contemplating Arthur’s offer of and… What did it say about his life that the idea of tentacle sex seemed so appealing. Martin blamed Cora, his anime-loving housemate and her ‘educational’ dvds. ‘Last orders, sir.’ the server said. Martin sighed, “Three shots, please.” What the hell, right?

Second Set:


Martin managed to get himself all the way to the door of Arthur’s room and knock before he started second guessing himself. He had almost bolted when Arthur answered the door, “Skip! You came!” Martin winced, he was pretty sure Arthur didn’t mean anything like that but still! “Yes, Arthur, I c- umm. Yes. I’m here.” Martin said. Arthur tugged him into the room and closed the door. “I’m glad, Skip. You’ll really, REALLY enjoy yourself. I promise. Now, shall we switch rooms or shall I stay?” (cont)


The sheer unexpectedness of the question had Martin choking on air for a second. “I, umm, I. Huh. Thank you, Arthur, but I believe I should do this by myself. I hope you don’t mind?” Martin said as diplomatically as he could. Arthur nodded, “I just thought I should check, in case you were nervous. Of course, getting it off with a co-worker in the room would make you nervous too, I suppose. And when I was in Ipswich-” “Arthur!” Martin cut Arthur off, “Here’s my keycard. See you in the morning?”

6
"Oh. Of course, Skip. I’ll just grab my bag." Arthur gathered his things and gave Martin a squeeze on the shoulder as he passed to leave. "Have great sex, Skip! See you at breakfast!" Martin stared at Arthur in disbelief. "I’ll… I’ll try?" /Who says that to someone?/ After Martin checked that the door was locked, he gingerly sat down on the bed. Still not believing what he was about to do, he undressed, carefully placing his clothes on the chair. He turned out the lights, laid down and waited.

Third Set:

7
(dubious consent, tentacle sex) - Martin lay in the dark, waiting anxiously, trying unsuccessfully not to fret. /It’s completely possible that this tentacle thing of Arthur’s was a figment of his imagination, a bit of underdone potato with a kinky side. At least I hope it is. Of all the indignities I’ve suffered being stood up by a tentacle beast-/ Martin heard something move in the dark. There was a sensation of something making the bed move and then he felt something wrap itself around his-

8
(con’t, on anon because it’s more fun this way) his ankle. It was warm. So warm, a bit slick, holding his ankle still. Then there was another one, on his thigh and another and another. Soon there were tentacles holding down onto his legs, arms, and across his stomach. They weren’t moving really, just a slight rhythmic squeezing. They weren’t doing anything overt, not yet. Martin began to feel his skin tingle. The tingling spread out from the tentacles to the rest of his body. He shuddered-

9
Martin shuddered and moaned, anticipating something. Anything. Why weren’t they moving? Martin writhed, his motion limited by the tentacles but they finally reacted, curling and spiraling around him, caressing his skin. Martin gasped and one of the tentacles touched his face, rubbing along his cheeks, his lips, a faint residue leaving his face tingling and hot. The tentacles didn’t try to penetrate, at least not yet, they just rubbed all over, all at once. Heat and pressure and deliciously-

10
restricting. Martin felt overwhelmed, moaning and panting, twisting in the tentacles’ grip, trying to get as much sensation as he could. Martin’s cock was already hard and dripping, his pants sticking to him from the mixture of precome and slickness from the tentacles, rutting up into their mass, his inability to move as much as he craved a delicious tease. The tentacles holding his ankles slowly pulled his legs apart as the ones covering his groin began to move faster and lower, caressing-

11
caressing his balls, pressing along his cock more firmly. Martin moaned lowly, thrashing his head back and forth as he tried vainly to move his hips, to get friction, faster, more. The feeling of being held down, the heat and touch of the tentacles every where, the scent of his own musk, Martin felt his body tighten and one last jerky thrust up, one last squeeze over his whole body - Martin came, screaming. The tentacles continued to constrict and caress through his orgasm, drawing it out

12
Martin slumped down onto the mattress, panting for air, his body covered in sweat and the slick of the tentacles, his pants soaked with come. The tentacles continued to hold him loosely, gently moving as his breath slowed and he came back to himself. Martin groaned, blushing, uncertain what to do now and feeling his muscles ache. Martin rolled to the side, the tentacles sliding along his skin as he moved, making Martin shiver. Martin lay on his side, too tired to get up, when he felt the -

13
tentacles inch their way under his pants as he lay on his side, tickling under his balls and stroking along the crack of his ass. Martin felt his cock give a half-hearted throb and sighed, pushing back slightly into the motion. ‘Just, just give me a moment to rest,’ he muttered into the pillow. ‘There’s… humans… refractory… oh god, there, please there’ —- when Martin came down to breakfast the next morning, there was a smile on his face and a hitch in his step and Arthur just beamed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I would like to thank Tygermama, again, for not only sharing this little multi-part bit of tentacley awesome, but for going back to it and finishing once RL let her steal a few minutes to do so.  She is sparkly fabutastic with sprinkles!  \o/

FYI: I checked with tygermama first about reposting these all here. ;)

Cabin Pressure [2008-2014]

alovelyocean:

random-nexus:

buttahs-flargle:

random-nexus:

The next professor for Muggle Studies, Ladies &amp; Gentlemen.  Professor Martin Crieff

YOU BETTER FIC THIS, RANDOM!!!!!

ME?!

OMG, sweetie, I’ve only written the merest smearing of a Harry Potter glaze over a chewy Beeblock center - how… I could never… it’s… well…
maybe a drabble…?

The great hall was filled with noise, far more than normal. Ron rolled his eyes as the new Defense Against Dark Arts professor walked in and there was a sudden hush as all the third to seventh year girls fell silent and clapped their hands over the mouths of anyone still chattering in reach.
Professor Crieff smiled at the students. “Good morning,” he greeted the hall at large.
The girls exploded in a cacophony of joyful screams.
Ron bashed his head on the table when he realized that Harry was one of the few boys screaming along with the girls.

*giggling*  YES!  Heeee!

alovelyocean:

random-nexus:

buttahs-flargle:

random-nexus:

The next professor for Muggle Studies, Ladies & Gentlemen.  Professor Martin Crieff

YOU BETTER FIC THIS, RANDOM!!!!!

ME?!

OMG, sweetie, I’ve only written the merest smearing of a Harry Potter glaze over a chewy Beeblock center - how… I could never… it’s… well…

maybe a drabble…?

The great hall was filled with noise, far more than normal. Ron rolled his eyes as the new Defense Against Dark Arts professor walked in and there was a sudden hush as all the third to seventh year girls fell silent and clapped their hands over the mouths of anyone still chattering in reach.

Professor Crieff smiled at the students. “Good morning,” he greeted the hall at large.

The girls exploded in a cacophony of joyful screams.

Ron bashed his head on the table when he realized that Harry was one of the few boys screaming along with the girls.

*giggling*  YES!  Heeee!

buttahs-flargle:

random-nexus:

The next professor for Muggle Studies, Ladies &amp; Gentlemen.  Professor Martin Crieff

YOU BETTER FIC THIS, RANDOM!!!!!

ME?!

OMG, sweetie, I&#8217;ve only written the merest smearing of a Harry Potter glaze over a chewy Beeblock center - how&#8230; I could never&#8230; it&#8217;s&#8230; well&#8230;
maybe a drabble&#8230;?

buttahs-flargle:

random-nexus:

The next professor for Muggle Studies, Ladies & Gentlemen.  Professor Martin Crieff

YOU BETTER FIC THIS, RANDOM!!!!!

ME?!

OMG, sweetie, I’ve only written the merest smearing of a Harry Potter glaze over a chewy Beeblock center - how… I could never… it’s… well…

maybe a drabble…?

The next professor for Muggle Studies, Ladies &amp; Gentlemen.  Professor Martin Crieff

The next professor for Muggle Studies, Ladies & Gentlemen.  Professor Martin Crieff

redscharlach:

mums-the-nerd:

stitchlock:

tiger-in-the-flightdeck:

halfcraft:

Has anybody else noticed that Benedict Cumberbatch reminding everyone that he did the motion capture is starting to sound like Martin Crieff reminding everyone he’s the captain? 

In the unlikely event of actor non-recognition, actor doffs cap and gestures to motion capture dots.

this is the standard amount of gold they put in a dwarf kingdom…

I AM THE SUPREME COMMANDER OF THIS DRAGON

*starts x-raying hobbits to find out which one swallowed the One Ring*

I love everyone in this shire’s air-dot!

jessamygriffin:

jessamygriffin:

Small Fandom Big Bang is still looking for artists who can draw, fanvid, do fanmixes, banners, icons or otherwise contribute something to a fic.

Probably it’s the ‘Small fandom, who cares, no one will see my masterpiece, pffft dream on!’ thing, but there are about 19…

Well, no one did jump on for this, which is a bit sad, but I suppose it`s for the best. There`s time left for me to finish the story, but who knows if there`s time enough for art.
If I wasn`t art-ing for someone else in the same Big Bang, I`d make a dummy account and do it myslef, rules be damned.

thescienceofjohnlock:

cumberbitchsandwich:

kogla:

Martin vs Zombies

I can’t hear anything over the sound of how badass this is.

Martin Crieff BAMF

OMG THIS IS AWESOME! \o/
If you like this art, you may like this fic!  &#8216;The End Of The World, Via Tesco' by R_Scribbles on LJ. 

thescienceofjohnlock:

cumberbitchsandwich:

kogla:

Martin vs Zombies

I can’t hear anything over the sound of how badass this is.

Martin Crieff BAMF

OMG THIS IS AWESOME! \o/

If you like this art, you may like this fic!  ‘The End Of The World, Via Tesco' by R_Scribbles on LJ. 

the tentacles inch their way under his pants as he lay on his side, tickling under his balls and stroking along the crack of his ass. Martin felt his cock give a half-hearted throb and sighed, pushing back slightly into the motion. 'Just, just give me a moment to rest,' he muttered into the pillow. 'There's... humans... refractory... oh god, there, please there' --- when Martin came down to breakfast the next morning, there was a smile on his face and a hitch in his step and Arthur just beamed
Anonymous

YES!!!  Now I’ll have to post the last set and this set together, in order! 

Let me know if that’s okay with you, Anon?

THANK YOUUUUUUU!!!! 

*shiny happy dancing*

Martin slumped down onto the mattress, panting for air, his body covered in sweat and the slick of the tentacles, his pants soaked with come. The tentacles continued to hold him loosely, gently moving as his breath slowed and he came back to himself. Martin groaned, blushing, uncertain what to do now and feeling his muscles ache. Martin rolled to the side, the tentacles sliding along his skin as he moved, making Martin shiver. Martin lay on his side, too tired to get up, when he felt the -
Anonymous

*still squeeflailing*